I'm attempting to keep things perspective and to remember that blasted promise of St. Paul (Romans 8:28, All things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to his purpose.)
My final, potential donor, has fallen through. Which means it's quite unlikely I'll be entering any time soon... and part of me wants to add, if ever.
$50,000 is a lot of money. Trying to pay it all off while also taking care of living expenses... Might take half my life. Also a bit difficult, considering I can't manage to find work.
Times like these my heart sinks to my stomach. Faced with this sort of opposition, I can hardly fathom how things will work out. And it makes me question if I even have a vocation to the religious life...
Then there's that small voice in me that questions God's work in all of this. A part of me that just wants to give up, go to grad school, get married, have beautiful children... Just say, "Hey God, I gave You a chance but apparently things didn't work out."
Too bad love doesn't work that way. Love doesn't let you turn your back, not unless you want to do damage to your own being.
Alright Jesus, I trust in You. I really have no idea how all of this is going to work out, but I trust in You.
Lead, Kindly Light, amid the encircling gloom,
Lead Thou me on!
The night is dark, and I am far from home --
Lead Thou me on!
Keep Thou my feet; I do not ask to see
The distant scene, -- one step enough for me.
I was not ever thus, nor pray'd that Thou
Should'st lead me on.
I loved to choose and see my path; but now
Lead Thou me on!
I loved the garish day, and, spite of fears,
Pride ruled my will: remember not past years.
So long Thy power hath blest me, sure it still
Will lead me on,
O'er moor and fen, o'er crag and torrent, till
The night is gone;
And with the morn those angel faces smile
Which I have loved long since, and lost awhile.
-The Pillar of the Cloud by John Henry Newman
My final, potential donor, has fallen through. Which means it's quite unlikely I'll be entering any time soon... and part of me wants to add, if ever.
$50,000 is a lot of money. Trying to pay it all off while also taking care of living expenses... Might take half my life. Also a bit difficult, considering I can't manage to find work.
Times like these my heart sinks to my stomach. Faced with this sort of opposition, I can hardly fathom how things will work out. And it makes me question if I even have a vocation to the religious life...
Then there's that small voice in me that questions God's work in all of this. A part of me that just wants to give up, go to grad school, get married, have beautiful children... Just say, "Hey God, I gave You a chance but apparently things didn't work out."
Too bad love doesn't work that way. Love doesn't let you turn your back, not unless you want to do damage to your own being.
Alright Jesus, I trust in You. I really have no idea how all of this is going to work out, but I trust in You.
Lead, Kindly Light, amid the encircling gloom,
Lead Thou me on!
The night is dark, and I am far from home --
Lead Thou me on!
Keep Thou my feet; I do not ask to see
The distant scene, -- one step enough for me.
I was not ever thus, nor pray'd that Thou
Should'st lead me on.
I loved to choose and see my path; but now
Lead Thou me on!
I loved the garish day, and, spite of fears,
Pride ruled my will: remember not past years.
So long Thy power hath blest me, sure it still
Will lead me on,
O'er moor and fen, o'er crag and torrent, till
The night is gone;
And with the morn those angel faces smile
Which I have loved long since, and lost awhile.
-The Pillar of the Cloud by John Henry Newman
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