Fear grips my faith and I am left unmoved

Oh God, what am I doing?  What in the world am I doing?!

Somebody splash my face with some cold water; wake me up from this fantastical dream.  Somebody.  Something.

I am acutely aware of the strangeness of my situation.  What I thought to be sincerity bleeds into lucid anxiety.  Surely I am not in my right mind.  Surely I’ve gone crazy.  Mad.  Bonkers.

“I’ve gone mad, haven’t I?”

“I’m afraid so.  Absolutely bonkers…

But I’ll tell you a secret, all the best people are!”

Hm.  Perhaps there’s some truth to that statement.  Not that I count myself amongst “the best people.”  But if you think about all of our ‘greats,’ you might find that they could very easily be considered bonkers.  Barking mad.

Yet, there’s no hope for me to regain my sanity.  I’ve gone too far, I’m a lost case.  Yes, leave me be.  Leave me to drown in the depths of my own fantasy.  I can’t be saved from this.  Why not?  Because all of the pleasures of the world taste as ash in my mouth now.  Even if I wanted to turn back now, it would be near impossible.  I mean, sin can accomplish anything.  But the world means nothing to me now.  To return to its bleak offerings and to refuse the sweetness from above would be a living Hell for me.

Oh Heaven help me.  I can’t do this on my own.  Fear grips my faith and I am left unmoved.  I can’t do this on my own.