My impatience is getting rather ridiculous-- God grant me patience, but not yet!!  As in, let's not make me grow in patience with this particular situation.

Since I've had no long thus far in trying to find a job (waiting to hear back on my only lead), I've been able to spend a lot of time reading and doing some online apologetics (and, well, in person apologetics with those Mormon missionaries).  Right now I'm reading The Three Ages of the Interior Life by Reginald Garrigou-Lagrange, OP...  it is absolutely fantastic!!  I highly recommend it.  How can I explain this book?  It's like...  a treatise on the interior life that combines the more 'mystical' elements of the greats like St. John of the Cross and Teresa of Avila with the doctrinal and more deductive teachings of St. Thomas-- starting it all with a foundation on grace, its nature and importance.

This book is seriously blowing my mind.  And I'm still waiting for Steven Long's Natura Pura to come in from Amazon...

Complete side-note:  With all of my reading of Thomistic works, my visits to the Dominican priory for Mass, and my continued study of the Summa... My desires to be a Dominican are being rekindled within me.  Of course, I don't have to be a Dominican to be a good Thomist... but still.  All I know is that if the women's communities of Dominicans were like the male's, I would join them in a heartbeat. (Not to say there's anything lacking in the women Dominicans, just that they're not really all that similar to the male branch.)  Well, and then there's the whole she-bang about God calling me elsewhere, despite my great love for the Dominicans... I guess that's important too.  ;-)


Anyway, what I'm getting at here is that I really just want to enter right now.  Just when I thought that desire could not increase any more, it is doubled.  I need to go...

And how frustrating it is to know that I simply can't.  Not right now.  Perhaps not even for a couple of years (God-willing not!).

Yet, may God be praised.  Somehow this waiting and this suffering brings greater glory to Him than if I were to go right now.  I'm not entirely sure how that is...  but I do know that it's not yet my time.  So I must abandon myself once again to His will.  How infinitely more pleasing it is to my God that I submit to His will right now.  And an act of abandonment to God's will in this situation is all the more valuable to my perfection.

Still.  It's hard.  But I must remind myself that it is nothing less than love for God that draws my heart to the convent... it would be sad indeed if I desired the convent more than I loved God... and love of God is to rejoice in doing His will.  In the present moment.

So here I am.  A college graduate.  21 years old.  Jobless.  Living at home with my parents.

Okay, okay.  No more whining.  :-)