Something can't be right because there ain't nothing wrong

Sometimes I look at my life and think to myself, "Heh.  Now that's nothing near what I could have ever imagined for my life three years ago."  And it's not.  I'm pretty sure that my life is very abnormal.

I also, rather often, look at my life and think to myself, "Oh God.  You are way too good to me."  And He is.  I'm pretty sure that God has beaten me repeatedly over the head with His Grace Bucket.  (You know, sometimes those extra moments of grace stick to the bottom of the bucket and need to be forced out.)

You know, one of my favorite prayers was taught to me by a priest friend of mine when he was a deacon.  It's very simple and I find that it can be used in all circumstances.  It goes like this, "Thank you, Jesus, for loving me this way."  When something frustrating happens...  when something amazing happens... when something terrible happens...  when something very normal happens...  It's a small little prayer that I find myself repeating very often.

Sometimes I wonder, rather irrationally, whether or not God's will can really coincide with something that I desperately desire.  And I mean this more than just the abstract, "I want to get to Heaven" sort of thing.  Obviously I'm thinking specifically of my vocation.  Sometimes it seems much easier to know God's will when you're struggling to accept it.  Like, you know deep down what it is, but you keep fighting it.  But it almost seems that the moment you embrace it fully, are full of joy, and become excited about it...  you begin to wonder... Wait, is this really what God wants of me afterall? Surely this can't be right...  Or at least I've been tempted to think in such a way.

Granted, I've also recognized this as mostly irrational.  God wants us to be happy.  That's the whole point of a vocation.  It's the state of life (and place or person) where we will be most happy and where we will grow most in holiness.  Surely God wants us to rejoice when He reveals this to us.

Then again, there's always something to be said that one ought to rejoice in the gift, most certainly, but never more so than rejoicing in the Giver of the gift.

Thanks be to God that He has somewhat protected me from this ever-so subtle temptation.  I mean, it's wonderful to rejoice in the gift!  It's a good in itself.  But even more importantly...  rejoice in it because it's from Him and because it bring Him joy to see you rejoice in the gift He has given.

And there's always that very subtle temptation to think, as well...  I think there's a line from a country song that captures it fairly well...  Something can't be right because there ain't nothing wrong.

But, like I said.  Believe it or not, things can go well and things can go smoothly.  It's okay to be happy.  Funny how society does a pretty poor job of teaching us how to be happy, eh?  It's so easy, so comfortable, so normal to be sad, discontent, depressed...  It's pretty difficult to let oneself be loved and full of joy.

Well, bed is now looking like a very inviting option (it's past 2:30am).  Tomorrow will be spent working on my honors thesis (ugh) and meeting up with the Sisters of Life.