Liquid luck or naivety?

Last night, amidst the cold and the snow, I was thinking about this seemingly unexplainable confidence I have in where my vocation lies.  There's no doubt that had I simply made a list of possible orders and tried to guess based off of empirical information, I would have scratched this community off without much thought.  Two reasons: a) they're missionary and b) they have a Spanish flavor to them.

I'm about as white as you get.  I grew up in a rather non-diverse area.  Although, come to think, both of the men I've dated have been of Spanish decent... one was Mexican and the other from Peru (they were first generation Americans-- both sets of parents came from their respective Spanish countries).  But diversity is not one of my hometown's strengths.

Regarding mission work...  I've always had a strange attraction to it.  Not sure how to explain it.  Not the great love for it that some people have.  But a small attraction to it.  I remember at the beginning of my sophomore/junior year, I was watching a dvd on St. John Bosco (my friend had got it for me for my birthday, since my confirmation saint is St. Dominic Savio).  And I felt God tugging my heart.  After the movie concluded (it was long and in Italian), I went to the chapel and tried to figure out what in the world this was supposed to mean; all of the sudden I felt the greatest desire for missionary work.  It didn't make sense to me...  again, I'm not fitted for missionary work.  I don't have those sorts of gifts or talents.  But I said "yes," if it was God's will, I'd do it.  That kind of died down over time and I figured that it had just been one of those moments where God wanted to see if I'd be willing to make that act of faith and trust, but not that He necessarily intended it for me.

Needless to say, without knowing them there's no way I would've chosen to discern with them.  In fact, I didn't really even choose that, to some degree.  Even I didn't think they'd be a match for me, so when I first met them and started seeing more of them, I was just enjoying my time with them.  Discernment with them didn't even cross my mind.  And they never mentioned it either (that's another thing I've loved in this whole process... they're not pushy about vocations at all, like some communities I know of).  Kind of funny how it sounds like dating, eh?  I remember beginning to recognize my attraction to them...  and really struggling with it, because I really wanted to be a Dominican.  And it confused me a lot.  And I remember that one day in prayer I really just had to give up my will and give God the chance to lead me in this direction if it was His will for me.

Things get dangerous when you do that.  I could enumerate events that happened after this...  but honestly, I can't pinpoint a specific moment or event which I could say to myself "I know this is where God wants me."  I can't.  But I do know.  I kind of feel like Harry Potter after he's taken the liquid luck in hoped to get the memory from Slughorn.  (Speaking of the movie here.)  He has a plan all set out for himself, then after he takes a drink, his plans completely change and he doesn't know why he's doing something different, he just knows he should.

I had a long conversation with our chaplain a few nights ago that kind of bothered me.  Now, I love this man. He may very well be the holiest person that I know and I've learned so much from him the two years he's been here.  He's prayerful, insightful, and just wonderful.

Anyways, he was asking me about my discernment, and in particular with my discernment with this community.  As prudently as he could, he expressed some concerns about the order that he wanted me to keep in mind.  Mostly about culture and it being of "Argentinian flavor," as he said.  Apparently he's known a young woman who spent time there and then came out.  He didn't give any specifics, but he did give one example of how perhaps the culture differences could be problematic.  He said that the Argentinian mind-set  tended to place a lot of demands on people and it was simply expected that you succeed.  There is no "try," there's just "do."

The conversation went on, and as gently as he could (and although he didn't say it outright, I could tell he was thinking it), he implicitly was telling me that he didn't think it was a right fit for me.

Coming from just anyone, I honestly wouldn't think much of it.  But coming from him, it's certainly made me pause.  He's another one who's always thought that I'd become a Dominican.  When he gave me a blessing before I left for NY, he invoked a long list of Dominican saints.

So, there's that.  I mean, he's not my spiritual director.  But I do value his opinion and he knows me almost as well as does my spiritual director.  At the same time, however, I can't help but feel called to them.  I've never felt so certain about God's will for me (even if it's merely to apply, enter, and leave... or whatever He has in mind-- not that I would want to leave... but I do feel called to at the very least apply with the intention of living out my vocation there).  And I've never felt as though I've been more open to God's will than I am now.  Truly desiring to do His will over mine, knowing that by following His will and abiding in His love, I will be a cause of His Joy, and my joy will be complete.

Is it God's liquid luck (grace) or simply naivety?

I can't explain why I should be called here.  I really can't.  Like I said, from the looks of everything, I should be a Dominican.  But...  I honestly can't see myself anywhere else.  Perhaps God is calling me elsewhere.  And if He is, then I will go willingly.  I will leave them behind without a second thought.  I just want to be where He wants me.

From best I can discern, this is it.  Maybe it doesn't make sense on some levels.  But on others, it makes perfect sense.