Patience

I've been good and patient throughout this break, which, believe you me, is quite the accomplishment for me! But now I'm beginning to get a little anxious [in the good, excited way]. Now that I have my preliminary "talks" with my parents under my belt... well, there's little that needs to be done before applying.

Actually, I just need to talk to my spiritual director- tell him all about my visit, my conversations with my parents, and what I feel God is asking of me right now. From there... well, it really depends on what he has to say. I highly doubt [as in very highly doubt, considering he was the one who forced me to call the vocations director and then he was the one who encouraged me to visit sooner rather than later] that he'll say not to apply at all. He might say "wait." He might want me to go to the spiritual exercises before applying.

Which, I mean, I would love to go on that retreat. I really would. But it's the same weekend as the huge high school retreat [1,500+ highschoolers in attendance each year] that is hosted by our seminarians on campus. It's a three-day retreat that has awesome speakers, adoration, Eucharistic procession, praise and worship, and is just over-all an awesome experience. The college students usually help as volunteers-- we do security, small group leadership, women's housing, etc.

But this year is even a bit more special... I've been asked to give a short talk at the retreat! They've asked me to give a talk about conversion to Catholicism, since it is focused on the Holy Eucharist. It's a short talk; only about 10-15 minutes. So I won't be able to give my whole conversion story. But I will be able to compose something that includes certain parts of it and hopefully, considering I converted when I was their age, will be of some inspiration to the high schoolers.

And I have already committed to that speaking arrangement. I just wish the two weren't on the same weekend.

But, honestly, I don't feel like I necessarily need the silent retreat in order to know... I know it sounds crazy, and I can hardly believe that I'm actually at a point of being able to say it, but I honestly feel very confident that it is, at the very least, God's will that I apply with this community. This is where I want to be and I think it's where He wants me to be, too. I mean, unless I'm completely misinterpreted everything [which is certainly possible] but...

See, that's the funny thing about discerning God's will, no matter what the circumstances. Even when you feel pretty darn confident about something, there's that little bitty part of you that wonders: What if this isn't where God wants me? What if I'm somehow manipulating what He's been trying to show me and I'm coming up with an answer that's not what He intended? Besides, what I want and what He wants can never really coincide, can they?

Luckily that's why we have Holy Mother Church, spiritual directors, and other guides that help us in our discernment.

And it's really all about trust. And humility. God doesn't want to deceive us. And we're searching earnestly for His will.

But, anyways, my excitement is beginning to over take my patience... I just want to get back to school, talk to Msgr., and go forth from there! Enough waiting, already! [Just kidding!]

I mean to say... God's timing has been wonderful. He really has taken over the wheel for the time being and He's done an excellent job of steering and taking care of things. So, I'm going to keep with that, me thinks.

But I would like to get back to the Mount here shortly. :-) Good thing classes start in less than a week. And I leave on Saturday.