Graduated

So, I'm officially a college graduate.  Magna cum laude, George Henry Miles (honors society), Bachelor of Arts, Philosophy.

Seems kinda crazy.

The graduation was great.  We had our Baccalaureate Mass on Saturday evening, the Ascension of the Lord.  It was a beautiful Mass-- Father's homily was excellent. Even my parents seemed to enjoy it.


Late that night I went out with my friends to the "Big Slide"-- which is exactly what it sounds like.  It's a huge, thirty foot slide out in a park in the middle of no where.  Technically it's closed at dark, so it's trespassing to enter there at night.  But we've gone there for fun quite a few times over my time at the Mount.  This last trip was epic.  I finally made it all the way down on my feet (screaming bloody murder all the way down, mind you)-- they got a video of it, I can't wait to see it.

After we were slided out, we headed over to the merry-go-round.  We were just chatting when I thought I saw flashlights, but everyone said I was crazy... until a few minutes later.  They came a bit closer and everyone else saw them too.  So one of the girls in the group yelled, "Hello?"

"Everyone get up here now!!"

"What?"


"You're all trespassing.  Up here now!!  This is the police."

Oh State troopers...

They were aaaangry.  But they warmed up to us once they realized we weren't drinking and that we were good kids.  They took our IDs, gave 'em back, and then told us to head out.

The actual graduation ceremony was beautiful as well.  When I went up to shake the President's hand, he whispered in my ear "Let's hug."  I was one of two that got a hug-- haha, it was so unexpected.  But, I did work for him for a few years.  He gave us (his senior workers) beautiful Mount frames for our diplomas (once we get them, of course).

Oh!!  So, three of the sisters came to graduation.  Sr. Joy, Sr. Victoire (she's a novice-- she went to the Mount last year, we were friends and I think have become even closer since she entered), and another sister. I had given them the tickets during the last pizza night.

Soo... funny thing.  Apparently my tickets, which were for reserved seating, were for specific seats.  Which meant, yup, the sisters had to sit with my parents.

Except they didn't know that.  So I had to tell my parents to be on the look out for the sisters...  which meant I had to tell them that they'd be there...  which meant that my mom... well.  I had just told her about a week prior the actual community so she could look at the website and what not.  I had hoped that the seating wouldn't be together because I didn't want to put my mom on edge during such a happy time for her...

Well, everything went well, I think.  Dad saw the sisters wandering around right before graduation and went to fetch them.  Haha!  And then we all chatted afterwards for a while-- Joy talked with my mom for a while, which I think was really, really good.  She's so down to earth, I don't think I could've asked for a better first encounter.

We haven't talked about it.  But I think it was good.

And now I'm home.  It's been tough being home.  I mean, it's been great-- I love seeing my family and everything.  I got to see my nephews and niece and brother and sister-in-law.... it's been wonderful.  It really has been great.  I love those kids so much.  It's just tough to transition from an atmosphere where I can go to daily Mass, pray, be surrounded by others seeking holiness, etc...  to an atmosphere where none of that is really present.

But, like Msgr. said, I need to really work on a good "plan of life."  Which I'm hoping I'll be able to put in place tomorrow when my parents go back to work.  I'm thinking morning Mass at my parish, followed by a holy hour (sooo glad my parish has perpetual adoration), and then either to a coffee shop or the local library for a couple of hours to study (still trying to decide what I'm going to read... either VII documents, the Summa, or something else).  Then I'll head back home to work on stuff (need to clean out my room and get rid of stuff, clean the bathroom, apply for summer jobs, household chores, etc).  Exercise.  Make dinner.  Hang out with my parents.  Repeat.

Should work out well until I find a summer job.  I just applied for a teaching position in Upper Marlboro-- a friend of mine's father is the principal at the elementary school and she talked to him and he asked for my resume...  so, we'll see.  I'm a little nervous about how everything's going to work out.  About my financial situation, about a job, about living with the Sisters come September...  I don't know.  I'm just worried.  I really need to pray about it and I haven't been able to really pray for over a week now... which is killing me.

But all is good.  It's a weird time for me right now.  But all is good.

T-minus 3 days

I had my last meeting with my spiritual director today... and I admit to crying toward the end.  Just the teary-eyed-trying-not-to-cry type of crying.  And technically we're not officially "done."  For most of his directees, this will be it because it's looking pretty good that he's getting the presidency at SHU.  But he said considering my circumstances, he thinks it would be best to keep in touch via phone until probably September, when I could transition into a new spiritual director.

I also had my last work shift in the President's office today.  :-/  That also made me cry.  I love that office.  I love working there.  And they love me.

I'm not usually the emotional type, but... well, saying good-bye is hard!

In other news...  the check is being sent in and will be taking care of a good portion of my largest loan (that is accumulating interest very quickly).  The VP of University Affairs (not the same person who is contacting the Knights of Malta) is writing out the check, and also said that she had someone else, an anonymous someone else, who is interested in helping.  Sooo, again, we'll see!!

One more final.  Then it's party-hardy.  Ha.

Oy.

Graduation in three days.

"It must be love..."

So I went to check in with Mr. B., our VP for University Advancement, to see if he had gotten my abbreviated conversion story that I sent and to see if he needed anything else for me.  An awkward conversation ensued, of course (they say a little bit of awkward is worth salvation... granted that's mostly applied toward ministry... but hey, I think it can be applied for begging and poverty too), but he said that he'd be presenting my story to the top knight person of the Defense of the Faith with the Order of Malta sometime early this week and that we should know in a few days.  I've decided to continue my novena to Our Lady of Lujan ;-)  (Hey, I found out about the $10G the day the novena officially ended...)

In other news, I've decided not to go on my senior beach trip the week after graduation.  I'm losing $150 out of the deal, but...  Well, it basically comes down to the fact that my mom begged me not to go, to come home and spend that week of her vacation going on a trip with her.  With the possibility of me entering (or at the very least going out to live there in September) becoming more real, it seemed like that going home is the best thing.  Plus, I've really grown apart from the group of friends I was originally going with and me and this other guy (oddly enough, he's going into the seminary) were going to be the only non-couple on the trip.  I feel much more at peace not going than I was with the prospect of going.  So I think overall it was the right decision for me.

My mom has amazed me with how far she's come with all of this.  We were chatting on Thursday evening and she just blew me away...  she was telling me how she everyone's actions (I guess she's been sharing this with a lot of folks) are so different and varied... but that she tells them "It's a special calling that only the person who feels it can really understand... it's not something we can really understand completely, but it makes sense to the person who feels called to it...  And there's time for her to really figure it out-- she can leave if she wants to..."  And then she said to me, "Not that I'm thinking that I want you to go and then leave!! That's not what I mean!  Just that that's part of the process, right?  I mean, I've been doing some research, trying to understand it.  And I can't believe how many people's parents are so unsupportive of their choice!!  I don't know how they do it!"

I basically started crying.

I have the best parents ever.

What a turn around!!!  God is so good!!!  His grace works wonders!!!  I honestly think that they've come around to supporting more than could be expected from Catholic parents!!!

Of course, it's still hard.  There's still a pain and a hurt involved.  But that's the nature of sacrifice, isn't it?  I remember a few months ago really connecting with our Blessed Mother and the prophesy that a "sword would pierce her heart."  Her sorrow in her Son's passion...  sometimes I think it's something that mother's with children who have vocations can relate to, in a way.  Their children are following Jesus' passion and death in a more radical way than most.  And the sword of sacrifice truly pierces their own hearts.

I've prayed a lot to the Blessed Mother for my own mom.  And boy have prayers been answered.  I pray that God's grace may continue to work in my mom.

Oh!  So the trip down to the Novitiate house was AMAZING!!!!  And by amazing, I definitely mean that it almost killed me.  My car pulled in about ten minutes before the other car (we had about 10 girls come down) and immediately Arielle (erm, Sr. Notre Dame de Victoire) came running out of the house to see us!!!  She and I did one of those typical movie hugs, running toward each other and embracing... it was great!!  (She was a freshman at the Mount last year and while we weren't best friends, we did know each other pretty well.)  After quite a few hugs and introductions, we went inside to prepare for the holy hour.

Can I just say that there's a huge difference in how liturgical/prayer is done with the Sisters than with the other orders I've visited?  Maybe it's just part of the feeling at "home" with this order.  But they certainly seem to know how to do liturgy and holy hours right.  Very solemn.  Latin.  Or if it's English (or Spanish) it's not any of that cheesy crap that is so often used elsewhere.  I don't know-- but I love it.

After the "good night" (also something I love, since my confirmation saint is Dominic Savio and I have a special love for him and Don Bosco!), we went upstairs for dinner.  Half-way during dinner about half of the sisters came back from a week long retreat, so there was a lot of celebration for that!!

And of course recreation time was nice and rowdy.  Ping pong, bop-it, P&W, and pictionary...  I also got to spend some good time talking with Sr. Victoire.  Around 11pm we had another round of celebration-- a girl from Ohio entered!!!  THAT NIGHT!!!

I almost died.  It killed me.  Almost.  Oh how badly I wanted that to be me!

Alas...

I also got to talk to M. before we left-- just to double check on some stuff.  That was really nice too, being able to talk with her.  The whole evening was slightly interesting because none of the sisters (save Joy and M. of course) knew anything... and I had told all of the Mount girls not to say or imply anything, just in case (I get worried about those things).

Anywho, we ended up leaving pretty late... it was almost midnight and it was a hour and a half drive back to the Mount.  M. made me promise to call her when we got back safely.

It was just a great night.  I hadn't seen the sisters since January at the March for Life and that was only for a few minutes... before that was my trip to NYC.  So, needless to say, it's been a while!!  And I've been going through the whole process without having had the "confirming" experience... you know what it's like, when you've been away for a while... you question, did I really feel at home?  Was I really comfortable?  Am I really okay with the whole Spanish thing?  Etc.

And of course now I'm dying inside just to be there now.  But even more...  I realized that my desire to be there is really only directed toward my desire for Jesus.  Being in the convent and my desire to enter... is the desire to be more fully His.

Ah!!!  I want to enter this summer, so badly!!!  I try not to think about the "perfect scenario" too much.  And in fact, I really haven't daydreamed about it all, which surprises me a lot.  But, practically speaking, I think entering in the middle of July or beginning of August would be ideal for me.  That way I'd be able to spend a good two months at home and get everything ready...

We'll see.  Either way, I'll be there in September.  Of course, I'd rather be there a postulant.  ;-)

Oh!!  One of the girls that came down with us... completely fell in love with the sisters.  She has been thinking about religious life for a while now...  and she loves them.  Know what's funny?  We're from the same parish. She and I went to high school together (three year separation).  Now we both go to the Mount (yup, other side of the country).  Wouldn't that be great?  A renewal in vocations for the NW...  and actually, there were two novices from WA...  so hey.

Well, I should probably get back to work.  Almost finished with this blasted 10-page Econ paper (2 pages to go).

Ahhh!!!!!!!!!

Oh my goodness, God is sooooo good to me!!!!!!!

Donor #1 has given $10,000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:-D

And I'm going down to the Novitiate tonight!!!!!

And God is so good!!!!!

And Mr. President of the Mount has someone else he wants me to write to!!!!!

And God is so good!!!!!

Ahhhhhh!!!!!

I really want to call someone!!!!  But the two people I would share this with are unavailable.  My best friend is home for her pop-pop's funeral and my spiritual director is at SHU doing interviews.

But God is so good!!!!!

Immediate Future

I can barely contain myself.  As graduation draws nearer and nearer, my desire to simply enter grows stronger and stronger.  People keep asking me what I'm doing or, if they're bold, tell me they've heard rumours...  and the conversations I keep having are only increasing my desire to enter.  I suppose that's the beauty of being at a place where people are so supportive of vocations.


Last night we met Cardinal McCarrick, who spoke to our Militia Immaculatae group for a few minutes.  What a wonderfully holy man!!  He was so beautiful.  A man who really loves Jesus and wants to lead others to love Jesus too.


My spiritual director is up at SHU, interviewing as the lone finalist for their presidential search.  I'm not sure whether he'll get the job... at the moment he's the only finalist since the other candidate dropped out.  And I'm not sure whether I want him to get the job...  He'd make a great president and guaranteed he'd pull SHU out of the dumps (in regards to Catholic identity, that is).  He's an amazing administrator.  But he's also an amazing teacher and scholar. If he doesn't get it, I expect his name to be the next big Catholic philosopher/theologian.  If he does get it... well, it'll be good stuff too.  Really good stuff for Catholic universities.


I'm a little nervous that I won't be able to meet with him again before I leave, which would be devastating to me.  He just doesn't know his schedule anymore because of the SHU stuff.  But he said we'd definitely do our best-- even if meant calling him and we walk around campus at 9pm.  I guess we'll see.  It'll likely be my last meeting with him ever.


That seems strange to me.  I've been seeing him for spiritual direction for three years now.  More than anyone, this man knows my heart and soul.  It'll be strange not meeting with him.  Even more strange will be having a new director.  I have to admit that the thought scares me a little.  I don't know what it would be like with someone new. Eh.  I wish I could keep him.  But it's just not even physically possible...  if he goes to SHU, he'll be extremely far away and extremely busy with presidential type stuff.  If he stays at the Mount...  well, I won't be here anyways.


On a completely different note, it's been absolutely beautiful the past few days!  Walking around campus takes my breath away.  And then I'm always struck that I'll be leaving this place for good in less than a week and a half. 


I can hardly believe that it's almost graduation.  I can hardly believe that I'm leaving the Mount-- this place that has been my home for the past three years.  I've grown so much here.


But I think I'm ready.  As much as I'll miss the Mount and as much as it will always hold a special place in my heart...  I think it's time.  Yup.  It's time.  And I'm ready.  I think.


Three more papers.  Four exams.

Fundraising

Okay, so I've kind of sort of heard back from Potential Donor #1: Mr. President said to me in passing that he had spoken with her and that she told him that she was going to help.  Not all, but definitely some.  Not sure what sum that some will be yet, nor do I know when that sum might come.

Potential Donor #2: Just sent my 2-page conversion story to my intermediary contact person.  He'll contact Potential Donor #2.  Time will only tell.

Potential Donor #3: Just found about tonight.  Someone who wants to help, but first wants to see how much is taken care of by Potentials 1 & 2.

Well, we'll see, eh?  God's will be done.

Graduation?

I think I finally feel as though graduation is really immanent.  Two weeks from today I will officially graduated with a B.A. in Philosophy from the Mount.  Wow.  It's really happening, isn't it?

We had our awards ceremony today.  I suppose it's technically called the "Honors Convocation."  I was awarded The Nona S. and Jerome V. Redmend Prize for the member of the senior class with distinguished study in philosophy.  That was pretty neat!!  One of my professors gave a small speech of sorts as he presented me with the award at the Philosophy "Phi Sigma Tau" brunch this morning and he almost made me cry!!  They Department gifted me with the two volume complete works of Aristotle!!!!!!!!!!!!!  The whole department signed the inside cover-- what a special gift!  Too bad it'll be something I'll have to, in a sense, give up.  I mean, I'm sure I'll bring it to community, but it won't be "mine."

I was then recognized at the Honors Convocation for the award as well.  And this included a check for $300, which is quite welcomed!!

Wow.  I'm graduating.

It's really hitting me that I'm not going on to graduate school.  It's as though the Lord is putting His finger on that desire and saying to me, "This too?  You're willing to give up this too?"  Yes, Lord, I give up this too.

I want so badly to just enter.  God-willing I'll be able to this summer.  We'll see.  I started a novena to Our Lady of Lujan the other day for her feast day on the 8th.  Sr. Joy e-mailed me and said that we should pray it together...  so that's what we're doing.

I'm soooo tired.  But I need to finish my honors thesis tonight, since it's due tomorrow morning.  I need retype my moral paper, since I didn't do that last week.  And I need to read Charles Taylor.  Blah.  Tiiiiiired.