Camping and Zoos

It's been a busy extended weekend and I'm exhausted... but it's been a load of fun!

I went up on Thursday to meet my brother and his family in a nice state park just outside of Seattle (about a two and a half hour drive from me).  We spent Thurs.-Sat. tent camping.  It rained the entire time, but hey-- that's the Pacific Northwest for you.  We had a good time regardless.  The kiddos were fine with playing in the rain and we had the fire burning the entire time.  It was a lot of fun.

I honestly don't remember the last time I'd been camping prior to this weekend.  It brought back a lot of memories because we used to go all the time when I was little.  We had to stop when I began getting into the competitive leagues for softball since that took us traveling all over the nation during the summers.

We came back Saturday afternoon and drove back down to my parents' house, kids and all.  Today we went to the Portland Zoo and had a great time.  Little Kylie-Jo (just over a year old now) had a blast-- her favorite were the penguins.

The kids leave tomorrow, I think.  Then they'll come back down in about a week to stay here while my brother has surgery.  I'll be watching all three of them for five-ish days.  Wish me luck!!  A 1 1/2 year old, a 3 year old, and a 5 year old...  but they're pretty well behaved and they love their Aunt Kayla!!  :-D

Ah, I must admit that being around the kids so much makes the desire for my own children burn even deeper. I think I'd make a good mother.  And I just love little children.  There is very little that can match the joy that comes from children-- when they're holding your hand, cuddling with you on the couch, just saying "I love you!"  Of course, there's also no greater suffering, I think, than watching little ones get hurt or the constant worry about their well-being.

But I thank God for these desires, even when they're somewhat painful.  Like I've said before, it just reinforces the element of sacrifice that is involved with a religious vocation.  It's one of those, "Thank you Jesus for loving me this way" sorts of things.

Do you ever encounter those moments when you know you're in the position of making a choice?  A choice that is very much concerned with your perfection?  It's a choice between perfection and living a nominally Christian life.  For some reason I've been feeling like my life is at that point right now.  With different things-- my vocation, prayer, different every-day decisions I face, even.  There's a good and a better.  And I have to choose between the two.

Hm.

I'm having a hard time right now being patient and offering everything up.  I just feel like I'm not doing anything with my life.  I'm a college graduate, jobless, living at home with my parents.  It just feels so... bleh, to me.  And I want so badly to just be there now.  I'm not sure I've ever wanted something so badly.  And it feels like it may never actually happen.  $50,000 seems so far away... I feel so helpless.  And I feel so lame sitting here wishing that it would just appear out of nowhere.  Some generous donor or what have you.  Yet what else can I do?  I'm not having much luck on the job hunt and it's going to take years to work off.  Years.

But, God's will be done, not mine.  Wherever He wants me, for however long He wants me, doing whatever He wants of me.  That is more pleasing to Him than anything else.

Aye de mi.

Well, I do have one lead on a possible job.  It would be perfect if I could get it... except for the pay being low.  But still.  It's a teaching position at a Catholic K-8 school in Upper Marlboro.  I got a call back on my resume (the principal is my friend's dad) asking for an interview... but I'm obviously not in the area right now.  So I need to figure out what to say when I call back.  And how much do I tell him?  I don't even know...  meh.

Okay, okay.  Enough complaining on my part.

Time for bed.  Working on some essays to submit to our Philosophy/Theology journal tomorrow.  G'night.