It's Official...ish!!!!!

It never ceases to amaze me exactly how much tends to happen in the time span of one week.  Kind of funny, I think.  Especially in a time in one's life where a lot of major decisions are being made and a time when one is doing a good majority of their growing up.

So, I spent the past few days down at Christendom College visiting a friend.  It was fun, although I had other things on my mind the entire time.  (The friend is actually a friend of my close friend at school, so we were visiting mostly on my school friend's behalf... if that made any sense... basically I don't know the Christendom friend all too well and we're friends by virtue of my school friend.)  The school is an interesting one.  Very Catholic.  Which is good.  Not sure I'd be able to go there, though.  But that's a different story for a different day.  Although, as a side note, I really enjoyed going to Mass there.  They had the N.O. in Latin twice, a E.F., and a very solemnly celebrated N.O. in English.  I always enjoy Latin Masses, whether they are in the N.O. or the E.F. so it was a nice change from the Mount (our Masses are almost always N.O. in English, but they're celebrated very reverently as well-- no complaints against that!).

At any rate, I was still anxiously awaiting a call from M. and was ready to try again Tuesday morning.  Luckily I checked my e-mail on Tuesday and was pleased to find an e-mail from her, apologizing for not having returned my call and explaining the situation at the convent (apparently one of the sisters' mom is ill and she had to go home, so M. has been doing sister's work in the parish along with her own work).  She said to keep trying to call or to just respond to the e-mail with whatever I needed.  So, I tried again twice, then decided the heck with it, and just e-mailed her.

That felt slightly strange.  Asking to apply over e-mail.  But I didn't really know what else to do and I wanted it off my chest.  This whole past week has been a difficult one for me and I don't think the anxiety of waiting to make it all official was helping any.

Turns out that was probably the best thing, 'cause M. called me this morning!!!  She was so excited for me, which of course, encouraged me a lot!!!  We only talked for about ten minutes-- went over what the next few steps would be (all very simple) and...  it was just so nice to actually speak with her.  I'm also pretty sure that I solidified the idea in her mind that I'm just a little kid...  a portion of our conversation:

M: So, did I tell you what the process basically was when you were up here?
Me: Well, I think so.  But I'm afraid I don't trust my memory... so, tell me if I'm recollecting correctly...  I remember you talking about the interview... and then...  something with Mother Sacred Heart? *insert many awkward pauses and an unsure tone of voice*
M: *laughs*  You're hilarious...  Yes, I'll share the interview with Mother Sacred and then there's psychological testing... etc

She continued on to explain more about the psychological testing.  Then at one point she mentions the ink blots and I blurt out: "Those things are real?! I thought those only occurred in movies!!"  More laughter from her end.

It's funny, because I'm not normally like that.  Ah well.  Good for humility, right?!

So, we set up a date for the phone interview... this Friday at 3pm.  I'm so excited!!!  And a little bit nervous.  I have no idea what's going to be asked.  I mean, I guess I have some idea... but...  I don't know!!!  Oh man.

That was this morning.  This evening was pretty crazy too.

I called my older brother (in way of siblings, I have only one... my brother, 26, married with three kids, only one is his).  He had sent me an e-mail about a week ago and I never really responded to it.  I've been meaning to call him since the semester started and I had found out that he was ordered back to North Carolina to prepare for redeployment to Iraq.

We talked for a good 45 minutes...  and it was intense.  You know, he and I have never really been close.  We've loved each other, of course, and so we've always had that sort of bond...  but not the type of relationship that we tell each other what's going on in our lives.  The age difference has had a lot to do with that in years past.  He's 4 1/2 years older than me and had a tough high school/early twenties.  He dropped out of high school and did some stupid things... and then by the time I was in high school, he joined the Army, went to boot camp, and was deployed to Iraq for a year and a half, then stationed in North Carolina.  So, we never really found that good opportunity to grow in friendship.

So tonight was probably the first time in a long time that we really talked.  I told him about wanting to enter religious life...  and that was hard.  He's how I was before my conversion.  He's an atheist and obviously very secular.  But, he was supportive.  He couldn't understand it very well and I found myself at a loss at how even to explain it to somehow who has no idea...  but, again, he just wants me to be happy and to do what I think is right.

We also talked about his situation with the military right now.  He's currently recovering from surgery, so he's technically non-deployable...  long story short, it looks like he's going to have to apply for medical discharge.  He'll probably get it.  And then there's the finding of a civilian job, maybe going back to school, etc.  They're in need of a lot of prayers.

By the end of our conversation, he and I were both nearly in tears (I admit to crying pretty heftily afterwards).  It ended with him apologizing for us not really being close, for being "so stupid" in the years past, and what not.

Overall, it was just a very intense and emotional phone call.  But it was good and I hope that he and I can keep growing closer.  I worry about him.  I don't think he's happy right now...

I talked to my mom for about an hour after that.  Another hard conversation.  Vocation came up again, but we handled it well.  I was able to verbalize once more my desire for this... how I know I have to try it, that I really believe it is what is going to make me happiest, etc, etc.  And she reiterated her support, although it was difficult for her.  We talked a little bit about it.  I mentioned that I was probably [...as in am already...] going to interview/apply with a particular group of sisters, get more concrete information, etc...  She doesn't really understand the process of discernment and it might be better that way.  I think the more I keep it in understandable terms for her and the rest of the family, the easier it will be for them to accept it.  They'll come to understand it more over time.  But right now there's absolutely no foundation for understanding it at all.

So, yeah.  All in all, a pretty draining day emotionally.  And I haven't even really been able to vocalize all that's going on emotionally right now.  It's all I've been able to do to even write everything that's happened down.  But I figure that it's important at this point.  So much is going on...

Well, I'm off to bed.  Early morning Mass and holy hour.