Honors Thesis pt 2

The following is the introduction to my senior honors thesis. Not quite completed as there are few more things I'd like to add; specifically about the role of love as the model for community life. I won't really be able to talk about that anywhere else in the paper but it's pretty important, I think.

Thus:

“To the mystics of the 12^th Century, love was not only to be experienced; it was also to be set in order.”[1]

For St. Bernard and his contemporaries, the problem of love was the greatest preoccupation of their writings and really, of their entire lives. The Cistercian way of life was to be a schola dilectionis; a school of love. [Room to speak about love as the model for community life?] Therefore it would be only proper that their entire philosophical and theological focus be on the question of love.

It is impossible to begin to speak of this Cistercian ordination caritatis without immediately calling to mind the great Christian philosopher of the 4^th century, St. Augustine of Hippo. The influence of this great thinker on Bernard cannot be overstated. In fact, this paper will argue that Bernard took Augustine’s thought as foundational to his philosophy and theology of love, developing Augustine’s ideas into a fuller and more comprehensive system.

There is however, a major obstacle that stands in the way of such an assertion. In De Diligendo Deo, Bernard’s system of love begins with love of self (carnal/egotistical love) and progresses to a disinterested and pure love of God. Although heavily influenced by Augustine’s thought, it appears that the starting point of Bernard’s contemplative theology of love is directly contradictory to that of Augustine who says that “the total initiative in the life of grace rests with God and not with man.”

Further, critics have argued that Bernard’s system as a whole constitutes a contradiction. How does one reconcile the starting point of love and its goal? That is, how does one come to a pure and disinterested love out of a love that which is, by its very nature, interested?

To answer these questions, one must consider Bernard’s thought in its whole. Carnal or egotistical love is incontestably the starting point of his system of love, as found in De Diligendo Deo. However, De gratia et libero arbitrio, another work by Bernard, contemporary of De Diligendo Deo, constitutes an essential element to his over-all thought. In fact, one might even go so far as to state that this work is the dogmatic foundation from which his contemplative philosophy and theology of love is based.[2]

What is this dogmatic base found in De gratia et libero arbitrio? It is a philosophical and theological anthropology of man centered upon the nature of the will, more specifically, that of free choice. This treatment, guided by Augustine, constitutes the first question that Bernard seeks to answer in his system of love, his real starting point: the question of what love out to be. By beginning with this question, he establishes that love of God is indeed first by right.

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[1] McGinn 155

[2]This point is noted by Bernard McGinn in his Commentary on St. Bernard’s “On Grace and Free Choice.” Pg 3

A Pleasant Surprise

Mass this morning was met with a pleasant surprise. As the Father processed in, I noticed something peculiar-- we had a second priest for Mass. The moment I saw him my eyes lit up and I thought to myself "Could it be? Nah! Wait, yes. It is!!"

The second priest was Father J. from Uganda. He stayed at our parish for about 3 or 4 months a year and a half ago while he studied business at a nearby Catholic university. I can honestly say that he's one of the holiest men that I have been privileged to know.

He had gone back to Uganda after completing his degree and I fully expected to never see him again. Talk about a please surprise to see him this morning at Mass!

Parents & Vocations

A few nights ago I had an absolutely wonderful conversation with my dad about my vocation. He responded so positively about the whole matter that I could hardly control my emotions and I fought so hard to hold back my tears so as to not ruin the flow of our conversation. The entire time I was praying to the Holy Spirit, asking Him to guide our conversation. God is so good! God works all things together for good for those who love God and are called according to his purpose (Romans 8:28). I've heard this verse so many times (it's a favorite of my spiritual director), but only in the past few months have I slowly begun to understand it.

I have yet to talk with my mom. And to be honest, I'm a little more nervous about this conversation than I was about the one with my dad (granted, the conversation with him came about so smoothly and unexpectedly that there was no time to really get nervous about it). She and I have already had a lot of one-on-one time during this break. And well... maybe I'm just imagining things, but I think that she knows and I think that she's avoiding the conversation.

I had suspicions the she knew I was seriously thinking about religious life even before I came home for break. I think part of what my dad says confirms this. At one point, when I asked him if mom would be proud of me if I entered religious life, he said, "You know sweetie, your mom and I have seen this coming for some time now."

I also think my dad may have told her that he and I talked. And now I think she's trying to avoid any conversation that could possibly turn into a talk about religious life. Just little things. She hasn't asked me what I'm going to do after graduation. She's been subtly suggesting different things.

But, I know that the Holy Spirit has this one, just as He took care of my conversation with my dad. I don't know when or how the conversation will happen, but it will.

And for once, I'm not terrified about it. I finally know what I want to do with the rest of my life! And I can't wait to do it! I'm anxious to get back to school, so that I can talk with my s/d about everything. But, I think it's good that I have these few weeks of waiting before that happens. I've been tempted to call him... but I realize that there's no reason to rush things right now. There really isn't. Except to gratify myself with "sure" knowledge of what the future will bring. And to me, that would seem to be lack of trust in God's providence. He's been in charge of everything, guiding everything. No need for me to try and take things into my hands now.

But I am really excited to talk with him! If he agrees and thinks it's prudent, I hope to apply sometime soon. Again, time isn't really an issue. The earliest I would enter would be after graduation. And depending on how things go with my mom, debt may or may not be an issue that needs to be taken care of before entrance.

:-D

Missing Mass

I slept through Mass again this morning. On the feast of St. Elizabeth Ann Seton, of all days! (She's a special intercessor for me and for all those who go to school at the Mount. Her shrine is located two minutes down the road from us and she used to walk up to the Grotto, located above our campus, every Sunday for Mass. When I walk up to the Grotto, I walk in her very footsteps. Kind of cool, huh?)

I really miss having multiple Mass options at school. 7am, noon, 12:30pm, and 10pm for daily Mass. Means that I virtually never miss a daily Mass. But here at home I have fewer options. My parish has an 8:30am, and I think the next parish closest to me (about 20 minutes away) is 7:30am. Which means if I accidentally sleep in, I'm pretty much out of luck.

There is a noon Mass at a Dominican parish down in Portland that I go to every once in a while (that is, if I miss my parish's daily Mass multiple times a week). I love going there; it's so beautiful! My favorite thing about that church is that they have an altar rail... and they use it! Kneeling to receive our Lord... I can think of nothing more fitting.

Unfortunately the church is about 35 minutes away, by freeway. It uses a lot of gas to get there and I just don't have the income to do that everyday, or even multiple times a week.

Lesson of the story? Get to bed earlier and wake up in time for my parish's daily Mass. 8:30am isn't early. During the school year I'm up and at work by 8am.

But, at least I can still go and make my holy hour. God has blessed my little parish with perpetual adoration. And that's where I'm off to now!

Honors Thesis and Spring Semester

I can hardly believe that I'm fast approaching my last semester of my undergraduate studies... quite possibly my last semester of formal education ever! It seems like just yesterday that I arrived at the Mount as a freshman. Granted, it was only 2 and 1/2 years ago. I suppose that graduating in three years as opposed to four is a large part of how fast time seems to have flown by.

Not that I regret taking the fast track out of college. I mean to say... I love the Mount, I really do. It has done so much for me and it's truly my home. I would love to stay there forever. I hated having to make the decision to do three years, knowing that I would be cheating myself out of a full year of living in a place I love with friends whom I love. Yet, I knew it was God's will. I didn't know why God would want me to spend only three years at the Mount, but I trusted. And by golly, am I glad that I did! God certainly knows what He's doing, even when I don't!

In some ways, this next semester will be most difficult yet. I'm taking 19 credits, a four-credit overload from normal course work. And I'll be working 12 hours per week. My classes are looking to be amazing, though!

History of Economic Thought (ECON 407)- Despite the terrifying course title, this class will be great. I'm not an economics major, nor have I ever taken an economics course in my life. But! It's going to be great. I have to admit I was hesitant to take a 400-level course in a subject that I know absolutely nothing about... but the professor, who is an amazing Catholic, assured me that I will be perfectly alright in the class. The course will go through the history of economic thought (duh!) by looking through the lenses of philosophy and theology (both of which I have a strong background). And just in case, I'm taking the class Pass/Fail. :-P

Contemporary Catholic Philosophy (PHIL 346)- This class, funny enough, is being taught by one of the few non-Catholic professors in our philosophy department: Dr. JJ. But this man is amazing and, as I often say, he should be Catholic. He's the most Catholic non-Catholic I've ever met. Before he went and earned his Ph.D. he was in the baptist seminary and I believe he just recently converted to Anglicanism. So, he'll come to Rome soon. Regardless, this class is going to be amazing as well. We're reading Ratzinger, Henri de Lubac, Charles Taylor, and MacIntyre.

Body or Soul: A Philosophical Problem (PHIL 400)- Another class that is expected to be absolutely great. Inquiry into the problem of body and soul with a medieval philosopher. He's a tough grader. We joke that God would get a 98 on his tests and that Peter Kreeft would get a 99. (He was taught by Kreeft, to my extreme jealousy). But, I got an A- in his medieval philosophy course last year. I'm setting my goal for an A this semester.

Moral Philosophy (PHIL 301)- Requirement for my major and to fulfill our school's core requirement. I'm looking forward to it. It's being taught by a genius of a man and an excellent priest. It's also one of the courses that is taken with the pre-theologians from the seminary, which guarantees a little more of a theological emphasis. It requires one heck of a final paper, though. But hey, I love writing papers, so what am I complaining about?

American History II *Honors* (AMC 202)- Perhaps the course I am least looking forward to. I enjoy history and I thoroughly enjoyed the first half of this sequence. But there's a pretty high chance that the professor I'm taking for this section likes to assign a lot of group work... of which I absolutely despise. And there's a huge research paper that comes along with this class. Again, I like writing. But, I like writing philosophy much more than history. I'm not big on the whole "research" part.

Honors Thesis (HONORS PROJECT)- Well. This is going to be a pain in the butt all semester long, I can already tell you. Considering the fact that it's not an actual class that has a meeting time, I already know that it's going to be the first thing to be set aside when push comes to shove. And that's not good. Especially since my thesis must be at the very least 25 pages long. With the research I have done now and with what I plan to argue, it's looking to be at least 50. I enjoy what I'm researching and writing about, though. I'm investigating the philosophical foundations and influences upon the 12th Century Cistercian Mysticism of Love. If I can find the motivation to finish the project, I think it'll turn out well.

Internship- I'm completing the second half of my internship with Campus Ministry. It'll only be one credit this semester, as opposed to two credits last semester. This means I'll only have to technically work 40 hours as opposed to 80. But, I'll have that accomplished in a month. So the hours aren't much to me. I'm looking forward to this semester's internship plan, however. In the works: A nun-run to New York (Sisters of Life, CFRs, and Salesians) for the Fiat group, hosting the Dominicans of Mary, Mother of the Eucharist on campus, continuing to run and teach the RCIA classes, plan and execute the RCIA retreat, and finishing the final publication of the Prayer Book that I produced last semester.

All of that plus work in the President's Office, work as sacristan, and well, you know, a social life. It's going to make for a very busy semester.

But, I won't have Tolle Lege editing going on (I am the Editor-in-Chief for our school's Philosophical and Theological journal).

I am speaking at the Mount 2000 retreat. But it's only a 15 minute talk about my conversion story. Granted, it's in front of 1,500 high school students. But it's going to be great. Come Holy Spirit!

I'm looking forward to the semester. It's going to be a busy one, but that's how I like it. That's I how I accomplish things. But wow. My last semester. My last semester.

Returning to the Blogsphere

It's been a long time since I've actively "blogged" online. I used to be a rather frequent blogger, but due to certain circumstances, I privatized my old blog and consequently ceased writing. In the past few months I've attempted to keep a journal of sorts and haven't been able to get into a rhythm for it, so it seems. Thus, here I am. We'll see if I'm able to keep up with it when the semester starts up again.