I'm missing softball like something crazy, especially with this beautiful weather. I long to tie up my cleats and step out on the dirt. Sometimes I wonder if my decision to quit playing was the best for me. Softball was my life from the time I was 8 until my sophomore year of college. I played on a traveling team, won 4 state championships, and played in two national tournaments. I made Varsity, starting shortstop my freshman year of high school, was two-year captain and two-year MVP. I still hold the records for doubles and triples in a single season, and I'm in the top three for a few others. I was recruited and given scholarship to a Division I school to play and that's what brought me to the Mount.
I played here for a year... but ended up hanging up the cleats. Softball had become a love-hate relationship... I loved it-- how could I not? I spent my entire childhood playing the game. Like I said, it was my life. But slowly I found myself longing for more. Softball did not allow me to focus on my studies. We trained early in the morning from 6:15-8:00am and practiced in the afternoons from 3:00-6:00pm. And that was the off-season. We missed a third of our classes during regular season. I had no social life outside of the team. And there was very little opportunity to grow in my newly given faith. We didn't go to Mass when we traveled and I couldn't participate in many activities on campus... Plus, all of the team partied.
If I could approach college ball with where I'm at now, spiritually and mentally speaking, I'd probably be able to handle it. And, honestly, I think I would play again. But I just wasn't prepared for all of that when I came as a newly baptized Catholic. I think the hardest thing for me was the team dynamics. I just didn't fit in. I never did, really, with my teammates... but with my traveling team, it never made a difference because I had a life outside of the tournaments. It was different in high school, too... even though I wasn't like anyone else, there was a sense in which the other girls looked up to me. I was the leader and the captain of that team, so I didn't feel as... well, whatever you want to call it. At college it was different. I wasn't a partier and I didn't have the maturity to know how to fit in with the team while not participating in their activities. Like I said, if I were where I'm at now, I could've handled it. As it was...
I also wanted to focus on my studies. And I longed to spend more time doing faith activities. With all of those factors combined together, I had a hard time sticking with the game despite how much I loved it. Needless to say, it was one of the hardest decisions of my life when I made the choice to quit.
I still miss it, of course. It makes me sad to know that my decision to quit was really one of my first adult decisions... and by that I mean, my first major decision that could never really be changed. When we're kids, our choices are more or less changeable. Decisions are rarely final. But when we become adults, we have to make decisions and stick to them, for the most part. The moment I chose to quit softball... well, it really marks my transition into adulthood, I think. There was no going back.
I play in rec leagues and intramurals now. And those are fun. But definitely not the same.
Ah, nostalgia. And I had always hoped to coach... looks like that might never be, either.
Well, as they say, you win some and you lose some. I've no doubt that I was acting in accordance with God's will for me when I quit. I'd never be where I am now had I not. God has His reasons. And, my life in sports has had a huge impact on how I see and approach things spiritually. I've found that a lot of the virtues I learned in softball transfer well into the spiritual realm.
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