Christ is Risen, Alleluia, Alleluia!!

Christ is Risen, Alleluia, Alleluia!!

It’s been three years since that wondrous day of dying to my old self and rising again in the new life of the risen Christ.  I felt as though I were transported back to that glorious night—I felt anew the nerves, the excitement, the joy.  The litany of the saints had a profound effect on me; never before have I felt so clearly the communion of saints.  And yet, their presence was very tangible.

I went for a walk this afternoon, near dusk.  I’ve never been a huge “nature” person or one to really encounter God in His creation, but tonight was very much an exception.  It was as though my Lord walked by my side.  We said little to one another, but His presence was enough to content me.  He reminded me that what I’m seeking in my concern for the future… that it can be found and had in the present.  I seek Him, to love Him, to be a cause of joy for Him… All of this can and should be done now—not sought as some goal to be attained in the future. 

Of course, it can be so hard to focus only on Him.  I get distracted by the best of intentions—of figuring out how it is I can ever make it happen that I am His and His only in a very particular way, that of His bride.  The obstacle of my debt hangs constantly over my head.  The desire to do something to overcome it.  To do anything.  Just say the word, Lord, and I will do whatever!!  There is nothing I won’t do!!

Except, perhaps, wait? 

Except, perhaps, trust?

Ah, yes. 

But God is good to me.  I bring my worries to Him and He calms them.  He does not give me any answers of what to do about them… only that I should focus on Him.   Only that I should trust in Him.  He wants to take care of all of this.  He knows very well that I will do anything.  But what He wants from me is not heroic effort, but heroic trust.  He wants me to abandon myself into His loving arms to be carried off in His timing, through His effort, to His destination.

Strange how such a simple thing turns out to be the most difficult for me.  Six weeks until graduation (as long as I survive the mountain of school work between now and then).  One week at the beach with my friends following (not entirely sure I’m looking forward to this anymore…but that’s a different story for a different day).  And then a flight home.

After that?

I have no idea.  Shall I look for a job?  If so, where?  Doing what?  East coast?  West coast?  Where shall I be living? 

I don’t have any idea of what will happen in my near future.  And as much as I would love to have some idea of it… well, that’s where that heroic trust in God comes in handy.  These are the situations in which the Saints trusted; this is the situation in which I must trust.

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I had a nice break staying with the Daughters of Charity at the St. Elizabeth Ann Seton Shrine in town.  The grounds are just absolutely beautiful, and of course the basilica itself is breathtaking as well.

I'm back at the Mount now, a day earlier than the rest of campus.  I need to go through all of my stuff and trying to figure out:

A) What I'm getting rid of/donating at the end of the year

B) What I'm sending down to my uncle's house

C) What I'm keeping and taking home

All of this is slightly difficult, of course, not knowing which coast I'll be living on after graduation... or how long I'll be "in this world," so to say.  If I had a better idea of my time line, I'd probably get rid of a lot more things. But if I'm going to be around for a while longer, then I'll probably keep more things.  I just don't know.

I also need to get some work done on my history class, make a trip up to the Grotto, and call my thesis advisor.  In other words, I need to get off the computer and get to work.

Six weeks.  Man.  This is crazy.  My life is crazy.