Friday night I had my first meeting with my team of catechists. My first "official" event. :-D I think it went really well. The night went very smoothly and I think the folks really liked me.
Although. *sigh* Parish drama. So, there's this lady, we'll call her "V". V has worked in my position off and on for the past... twenty years or so. She's been very invested in the program and has done a lot for it in the past. She quit just over a year ago because of some disagreements with our pastoral administrator. Well, the pastoral administrator has now retired and I am the new DRE. So she's decided to "come back" as a volunteer.
Well, part of what happened when she quit is that a few of "her" catechists also quit with her. A few stayed on. But they are very much "her" catechists. Now, I already have my team of catechists-- those who were there last year. Some of those are V's catechists (part of her loyal club), some are not.
Now, V has decided to help with some stuff (thanks be to God-- she does food, decorating, etc, basically stuff I'm not good at). So she was doing the dinner for this meeting. And she happened to invite some of "her" other catechists that ARE NOT on the team currently, to the meeting. Basically, long story short, she's been going behind my back to talk to "her" group to try and bring them "back" with her.
Okay. I hadn't expected those folks at the meeting but... You know, I'm open to having anyone who wants to be involved to be involved. But under my rules and under my conditions. And she had at least told me beforehand (two days prior) that these folks would be there. Still. I don't mean to start talking about authority... but this is my job. And I don't need an in between go-person. If these folks wanted to be involved, they should have called me to talk about it. Not V.
But the meeting went well and I think V's crew liked me (although I'm not so positive about V liking me). And I've established the beginning of a personal relationship with them, so I think that I can put a stop to V's self-established mediator role. Yet I know that there's going to be more drama on this end.
This just all frustrates me. These are all very nice and wonderful people who want to see good come from this program. But there is also a lot of pride and self-interest in their approach. I'm sooo glad that I'm not from this parish. I have no agenda, no alliances, nothing. I am to bring people to Jesus. That's my job.
But I realize that right now I have to be very careful (and prayerful) about how to deal with this delicate situation. There's a lot of healing and conversion that needs to take place within my team of catechists themselves. And in some ways, that is probably one of my most important roles right now-- to, with the help of God's grace, attempt to bring about some of that healing and conversion.
I just don't like conflict and I don't like confrontation. Sadly, I think both of these are going to be a part of my life this coming year.
On a completely different note...
I was talking with a priest friend the other day and I was given a much needed "eye-opener"/"reminder" about what my life ought to "be" right now. (This friend was just ordained this past Spring-- he has been a huge influence in my discernment during my time at the Mount. He's... amazing. Very Dominican. Very intelligent.) I was sharing with him some of the struggles that I've been encountering lately... Namely a very real loneliness, even when surrounded by my family (all of whom I love dearly and enjoy spending time with), and also missing my best friend.
He said something that really struck me.
It seems that you are experiencing what most people feel when they come closer and closer to the Lord Jesus. We begn to realize that familial relationships, as important and life-giving as they are, are really not the same kinds of friendships we develop in the Lord. When grace transforms us, we really do begin to live life on a "different level" so to speak, and we find that we don't have as much in common with other friends, even relatives, who are not "on the same page". So, to make a long story short, of course you miss Tricia, but maybe you need to foster some new friendships in the Lord out your way, maybe with some sisters. With that being said, the call of the religious and the priest is to allow our craving for human relationships to be satiatied most profoundly in our relationship with the Lord Jesus. That is the heart of the celibate: room for God, no single human affection to crowd God out, living and loving for God principally and others for his sake. So your being torn apart from your closest friends is an opportunity to allow God to fill the hole in your heart!The part in bold really hit me hard. This is something that I have done a pretty terrible job of doing lately. Heck, I've done a pretty terrible of job of doing this in general. I've recognized exactly what Father has said-- I've been recognize this movement more and more in these past few months, but I've done a poor job of responding to it in a positive and generous manner. And I've never really put it into the context of living the life of a celibate.
Father ended by entreating me to live and love and pray as one destined for the religious life. Praise God for good and holy priests. They are so good to us. And I am so thankful for this reminder and really, call to higher living.
And speaking of religious life... I was so excited to have received a call from Sr. Victoire today!!! Oh man!!! And it was great because I had been thinking of her earlier in the morning, wondering when she'd be professing first vows and how in the world I was going to be able to write/call/e-mail her any time soon since I wouldn't know if she were still in the Novitiate or had gone to the Juniorate!!! But God is good!!! And I got to talk to her for about 15 minutes or so.
I wonder if it's wrong for me to pray that God send me a benefactor so that I may enter sooner rather than later. I mean, I know that it's His will for me to be here in the parish right now. And I truly want to do His will above all things. (Even though this desire to enter... that He has given me... is sooo strong!) So it makes me feel somewhat guilty praying that I may enter soon. But at the same time, I know that God gives certain graces only to those who ask (or beg!) for them. So maybe my entering sooner is a matter of begging God for the graces needed for worldly matters to be taken care of.
I guess my prayer should take the same format as Jesus in the Garden. "Father, if it is Your will... never the less, not my will, but Yours be done."
And I only want it given to me if it really is His will.
O God, grant me the graces to know Your will and to do it without hesitation on my part. Never let me act contrary to Your will but may everything I do begin always Your inspiration, be guided by Your saving help, and always find its completion in You.
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